Yes, Virginia​.​.​.

by The Dresden Dolls

/
1.
04:11
dear mr. and/or mrs. sender- we're pleased to inform you that your applications been accepted starting from the time you get this letter your life will be one never-ending "hope you're feeling better" you get your choice of an aesthetic we'll need to chop your clock off (tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock) it might not be what you expected there is no money back once you've been ripped off today's a very special day the boys'll murder for it but what will the neighbors say it leaves you feeling pretty hollow it might be nice to look at don't forget you're stuck with it tomorrow (and tomorrow, and tomorrow.....) you're big enough to stop pretending you'll start to really show within a week or so so don't go saying it's just come to your attention you'll get more than you're asking for without the right protection today's a very special day and how you'd love to have a little thing with which to play but love won't get you very far today be still your beating heart you'll have to keep on feeding it tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow boys will be boys will be boys will be boys will be boys will be girls with no warning girls will be girls will be guys will be boys that don't cry over toys that they use to beat girls they despise by the morning they always said that sex would change you... no second thoughts the knife is nearing you'll never hear the little pitter patter pitter patter of this little feat of engineering of course i love you and it's what's inside that matters but i think the whole charade is ending it seems to me to be the only way to keep from getting caught up in a long life of regretting the doctors said that once you get a taste for it you'll keep on cutting but while you happen to be here why don't you whisper all those sweet forevers in my ear stiff upper lip for all this sorrow hurry up and stick it in you never when it will end tomorrow or tomorrow or tomorrow...
2.
04:11
the record goes from blue to gold so thank you for all your help i know you want to jump around but try to contain yourself you always struck me as the type to take it lightly but now you're gonna have to shut your mouth and fight me backstabber you're all alone you're all over the popular magazines will never care what do you care you're down with the japanese but you've got no right to sit there saying i abuse it when you only sleep with girls who say they like your music backstaber.... backstabber! hope grabber! greedy little fit haver! god i feel for you fool shit lover! off-brusher! jaded bitter joy crusher! failure has made you so cruel rotten to the core rotten to the core rotten like a crackwhore begging out the backdoor show us what you're good for post it on the noise board come on join the bloodsport show us some support still working at the drugstore is it because you're A FUCKING backstabber! hope grabber! greedy little fit haver! god i feel for you fool shit lover! off-brusher! jaded bitter joy crusher! failure has made you so cruel so don't tell me what to write and don't tell me that I'm wrong and don't tell me not to reference my songs within my songs you backstabber! hope grabber! greedy fucking fit haver! BACKSTABBER!
3.
presenting modern moonlight just as advertised coke and pepsi finally found a compromise how can they complain that we're all fucked up kids when they keep on changing who our mother is? like it all you want it's fruitless night is in the way of progress retinas are bleeding for the enterprise surgically wired into paradise yesterday I dropped in at the MKB everyone was messaging like it was going out of style (it was just the cynic in me) god, i love communicating! i just hate the shit we're missing... everybody join in the magnificence yes! everything is absolutely making sense.... every time you turn around your soul gets sold to the highest bidder then they turn around and merger and they merger and they merger and they murder and they murder the one who murders most will take it all... fight it all you want it's useless night is in the way of progress we're gonna take your critics one by one catch your cables cut your cords and spoil all your fun we're gonna make your life a living hell cause stripped of your equipment you'll be forced to face yourself... wire cutters of the world you know what to use it for spread the word to all the tightrope walker boys and girls brace yourself for miracles you're in for a nasty shock when the war is over you can read the paper
4.
i'm counting back the number of the steps it took for me to get back on the wagon of the weekend i'll use the autotimer to prove that i'll get home with my imagination if they find the body in the basement "in the very house that she was raised in!" i'm taking down the number of the times so when we get the sign from god i'll be the first to call them i'm taking back the number of the beast 'cause 6 is not a pretty number 8 or 3 are definitely better a is for the address on the letter to my alcholic friends i'm trying hard not to be ashamed not to know the name of who is waking up beside me or the date, the season or the city but at least the ceiling's very pretty and if you are holding it against me i'll be on my best behavior taking shots for mother nature once my fist is in the cupboard love is never falling over should i choose a noble occupation if i did i'd only show up late and sick and they would stare at me with hatred plus my only natural talent's wasted on my alcoholic friends my alcoholic friends
5.
06:54
there's no end to the love you can give when you change your point of view to underfoot very good you may be flat but you're breathing and there's no doubt he's at home in his room probably watching porn of you from the fall it's last call and you're the last one leaving and you thought you could change the world by opening your legs well it isn't very hard try kicking them instead and you thought you could change his mind by changing your perfume to the kind his mother wore o god delilah why? i never met a more impossible girl.... in this same bar where you slammed down your hand and said "amanda, i'm in love" no you're not you're just a sucker for the ones who use you and it doesn't matter what i say or do the stupid bastard's gonna have his way with you... you're an unrescuable schizo or else you're on the rag if you take him back i'm gonna lose my nerve i never met a more impossible girl.... i never met a more impossible girl.... at four o'clock he got off and you called up "i'm at denny's on route one and you won't guess what he's done" is that a fact delilah? larry tap let you in through the back and use his calling card again for a quick hand of gin you are impossible, delilah: the princess of denial and after 7 years in advertising you are none the wiser you're an unrescuable schizo or else you're on the rag 'cause if you take him back i'm gonna lose my nerve he's gonna beat you like a pillow you schizos never learn and if you take him home you'll get what you deserve so don't cry delilah you're still alive delilah you need a ride delilah? let's see how fast thing can go.....
6.
raise your glass we have incorporated place your bets we're all so sick of waiting queen takes jack you got me this time but i'll get you back so pick a number to all the ones who tried the most was i supposed to cheer your efforts sorry that i chose so poorly golly gee am i the poster girl she's the kind of girl who looks for love in all the lonely places the kind who comes to poker pockets stuffed with kings and aces she's the kind of girl who only asks you over when its raining just to make you lie there catching water dripping from the ceiling lift your hats off to the checkout girls with tattooed backs they'd make an angel's skin crawl if you ask them for assistance there's an even chance you'll get a number to all the girls at pearl the surly boys who get to masticate them i've a prize for each and every one of you so just be patient to all the ones that hated me the most a toast you really had me going for a second i was nervous boy am i the poster girl she's the kind of girl who gets her slings and arrows from the dumpster the kind who tell you she's bipolar just to make you trust her she's the kind of girl who leaves out condoms on the bedroom dresser just to make you jealous of the men she fucked before you met her to all the ones who thought they knew me best a test to prove your prowess who was mine in '99 i want last names and current status to all the ones who hated me the most a toast you really had me going for a second i was nervous boy am i the poster girl for some suburban sickness better keep a healthy distance now its up to you know what to do it's pretty dirty business
7.
03:49
it is a thursday i get up early it is a challenge i'm usually lazy i make some coffee i eat some rice chex and then i sit down to check my inbox i only read a word or two i stare across the street and see the churches and the blue the first orgasm of the morning is cold and hard as hell there won't be any second coming as far as i can tell i arch my back 'cause i'm very cold now it's very cold here by the window there are some school kids yelling and running i barely notice that i am cumming the first orgasm of the morning is like a fire drill it's nice to have a little warning but not enjoyable i am too busy to have friends a lover would just complicate my plans so i will never look for love again i'm taking matters into my own hands i think i could last at least a weak without someone to hold me i think i could last at least a weak without someone to hold me won't you hold me?
8.
04:40
oh, mrs. o will you tell us where the naught children go will you show how the sky turned white and everybody froze heaven knows how they got into the fireplace but everybody's saying grace and trying to keep a happy face and oh, mrs. o will you teach us how to keep from getting cold out we go and you watch us as we face the falling snow what a show with our hairdryers aimed heavenwards and fifty foot extension cords you really have a way with words the truth won't save you now the sky is falling down watch the vultures count the hours april trains may bring strange showers and oh, mrs. o will you tell about the time they made you go all alone to the palace where they took your only clothes we all know there's no hell and no hiroshima chernobyl was a cover up the world is really all in love and oh mrs. o will you leave us hanging now that we are grown up and old will you kill me if i say i told you so we all know there's no hitler and no holocaust no winter and no santa clause and yes, virginia, all because the truth won't save you now the sky is falling down everything they ever told us shakes our faith and breaks their promise but you can stop the truth from leaking if you never stop believing
9.
he's been trying with limited success to get this girl to let him get into her pants but every time he he's getting close she threatens death before he gets a chance and that's the way it is in minnesota and that's the way it is in oklahoma that's the way it's been since protozoa first climbed onto the shores of california and she's been trying with limited success to get him to turn out the lights and dance 'cause like any girl all she really wants is that fickle little bitch romance that fickle little bitch romance and that is why a girl is called a tease and that is why a guy is called a sleeze and that's why god made escort agencies one life to live and mace and GHB and that's the way it is in minnesota and that's the way it is in oklahoma that's the way since the animals and noah first climbed onto the shores of california must not be too kind stop thinking love is blind clench your first yeah write "she's just not my type..." why all these conflicting specifications maybe to prevent overpopulation all i know is that all around the nation the girls are crying and the boys are masturbating and that's the way it is in minnesota and that's the way it is in oklahoma that's the way aristophanes and homer wrote the iliad and lysistrata (not in that order...) and that's the way it is in minnesota and that's the way it is in oklahoma that's the way it's been since protozoa first climbed onto the shores of california
10.
let's get lost fingers crossed it is an ordinary evening i am broadcasting are you receiving sick sick sound all fall down it is a necessary evil just like highway gas stations and people i remember golden days when all this was a mystery and you could write a letter then or god forbid come visit me and if you find yourself without me can you find yourself without me can you find yourself without me can you find yourself without me hi i'm fine you are saying nothing but your tongue is getting blacker all the time it is a measurable feeling seven on a scale from dead to breathing i've connected speakers to my suitors at the discotheques and they don't know the difference are they men or are they memorex? and if you find yourself without me if you find yourself without me c'mon find yourself without me c'mon c'mon c'mon and take your listerine i remember golden days when all this was a mystery and you could write a letter then or god forbid come visit me i remember golden days when all this was a mystery and you could write a letter then or god forbid come visit me and if you find yourself without me if you find yourself without me c'mon c'mon c'mon and take your listerine
11.
i've been feeling dull as a coat hanger pretty as a picture of patient on a fresh iv giddy as a gangbanger with a set of sutures where his magic johnson ought to be yes i'll tell you just the thing you need to be the next big thing let's start in with a test of your intelligence and zest for the counter-productive up and down and roundabout and out the back and keep your mouth shut tight the lights are staying out but no sweat i've got aim like a mack truck guess how many fingers okay guess how many more i can fit there guess right get the toaster but you know, miss, guessing gets you nowhere yes i can do everything you need from out of my new SUV all my work is guaranteed to last the length of your recovery put away those pliers honey trust me 'cause i know the options how about a nine-month long vacation and a two-foot coffin i've been getting up close and intimate some close calls but i'm getting into it in some states they say you can burn for it but i'll burn that bridge when i get to it it's not a bad thing to get professional it's got a nice ring mandy goes to med school i've been taking tips from the government i've been getting damn good at hiding it fifty bucks a month ought to cover it two down now but who's gonna notice it? and if you show up and i am unavailable my partner brian would love to take care of you he is a nice man thoroughly reliable he's in a rock band and he goes to med school.....
12.
bring two prix fixe dinners up i'll unwrap the plastic cups it's just us my love it's just us my love i will make the room up nice put your insides all on ice it was real true love it was real true love close all the windows put signs on the handles and strip down to my dun-dun-duns you have gone so far you have gone so far and tonight its just me and the minibar candles from the walmart that every city's got to have that i bought last night that i bought last night i was so excited to do such normal things with you when you felt last night with your toothbrush dry no such details will spoil my plan that is the kind of girl i am HA HA HA can you hear room 318? man they're really happening they're a wild bunch they're a wild bunch but if they just knew what my night was coming to god would they vomit and run you have gone so far you have gone too far so tonight it's just me and the minibar nobody else and i sing at the top of my lungs happy birthday us happy birthday us...
13.
two headed boy all floating in glass the sun it has passed now it's blacker than black i can hear as you tap on your jar i am listening to hear where you are i am listening to hear where you are two headed boy put on sunday shoes and dance round the room to accordion keys with the needle that sings in your heart catching signals that sound in the dark catching signals that sound in the dark we will take off our clothes and they'll be placing fingers through the notches in your spine and when all is breaking everything that you could keep inside now your eyes ain't moving now they just lay there in their cloud two headed boy with pulleys and weights creating a radio played just for two in the parlor with a moon across her face and through the music she sweetly displays silver speakers that sparkle all day made for her lover who's floating and choking with his hands across her face and in the dark we will take off our clothes and they'll be placing fingers through the notches in your spine and when all is breaking everything that you could keep inside now your eyes ain't moving now they just lay there in their cloud two headed boy there is no reason to grieve the world that you need is wrapped in gold silver sleeves left beneath christmas trees in the snow and i will take you and leave you alone watching spirals of white softly flow over your eyelids and all you did will wait until the point where you let go
14.
04:40
there is this thing that's like touching except you don't touch back in the day it just went without saying at all all the world's history gradually dying of shock there is this thing that's like talking except you don't talk you sing you sing sing for the bartender sing for the janitor sing sing for the cameras sing for the animals sing sing for the children shooting the children sing sing for the teachers who told you that you couldn't sing just sing there is this thing keeping everyone's lungs and lips locked it is called fear and it's seeing a great renaissance after the show you can not sing wherever you want but for now let's just pretend we're all gonna get bombed so sing sing 'cause it's obvious sing for the astronauts sing sing for the president sing for the terrorists sing sing for the soccer team sing for the janjaweed sing sing for the kid with the phone who refuses to sing just sing life is no cabaret we don't care what you say we're inviting you anyways you motherfuckers you'll sing someday...

about

"Ah, Virginia, in all this world there is nothing else real and abiding..." - Francis P. Church, The New York Sun, 1897

Far more artwork, photos, lyrics & other unsavory items inspired by "Yes, Virginia" are available to download (free) at dresdendolls.com - To place an order for the extremely awesome 300+ page BOOK of artwork, photos, stories, lyrics and SHEET MUSIC (for piano/guitar/vocal) corresponding to this and to "No, Virginia"; and plus more more more....go to www.jsrdirect.com/webstores/afp&dresdendolls/

credits

released April 18, 2006

Vocals, Piano, Mellotron & Organ: Amanda Palmer
Drums, Percussion, Vocals, Bass & Guitar: Brian Viglione

Recorded at Allaire Studios (Shokan, NY) and Camp Street Studios (Cambridge, MA).
Mastered at Sterling Sound (NYC) by George Marino.
All songs written by Amanda Palmer © 2006 Eight Foot Music (ASCAP)

Produced by: Sean Slade, Paul Q. Kolderie & The Dresden Dolls
Mixed by: Paul Q. Kolderie & Adam Taylor
Assistant Engineer at Allaire: Matt Snedecor
"Sing" Choir: Holly Brewer & M@ McNiss
Delilahs: Holly Brewer, Whitney Moses & Mali Sastri

Front cover drawing by Amanda Palmer
Artwork, design & layout by Amanda Palmer and Sarah Gensert & Mark Berger (Madison House Design). Creative Director: Jeff Chenault

license

all rights reserved

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