i could make a dress
a robe fit for a prince
i could clothe a continent
but i can't sew a stitch

i can paint my face
and stand very very still
it's not very practical
but it still pays the bills

i can't change my name
but i could be your type
i can dance and win at games
like backgammon & life

i used to be the smart one
sharp as a tack
funny that how skipping years ahead
has held me back

i used to be the bright one
top in my class
funny what they give you
when you just learn how to ask

i can write a song
but i can't sing in key
i can play piano
but i never learned to read

i can't trap a mouse
but i can pet a cat
no i'm really serious
i'm really very good at that

i can't fix a car
but i can fix a flat
i could fix a lot of things
but i'd rather not get into that

i used to be the bright one
smart as a whip
funny how you slip so far
when teachers don't keep track of it

i used to be the tight one
the perfect fit
funny how those compliments
can make you feel so full of it

i can shuffle, cut and deal
but i can't draw a hand
i can't draw a lot of things
i hope you understand

i'm not exceptionally shy
but i've never had a man
who i could straight in the eye
and tell my secret plans

i can take a vow
and i can wear a ring
and i can make you promises
but they won't mean a thing

can't you just do it for me?
i'll pay you well...
fuck i'll give you anything
if you could end this

can't you just fix it for me
it's gone berserk
fuck i'll give you anything
if you can make the damn thing work

can't you just fix it for me?
i'll pay you well...
fuck i'll pay you anything...
if you could end this hell...